My Wife Has Back Problems. Need Advice on Sex Positions

Dear Marylou,

My wife has back problems with pain all of the time. She also has arthitis. This make sex hard for us. Do you have any suggestion on position the we could use?


Dear F,

Good question!  Back and arthritis pain is a common ailment for so many people. The first thing I would do is to have a discussion with your wife about what is pleasurable and not pleasurable when you’ve had sex in the past. Then discuss what body position and movement is most painful when she is not having sex. Use this information to create the most conducive intimate experience for both of you. Make your discussion a fun and non-critical experience with lose fitting clothing on and not during a time when you are going to have sex. Share what is comfortable for you and what your desires are too.

For example, find out if:

  • She can kneel or stand comfortably? If yes, for how long before pain sets in?
  • Can she lay on her back, with legs flat down comfortably or is it better with knees raised and bent?
  • Is a reclining position better with a small pillow for support under her lower back?
  • What is her comfortable range of strength and mobility?
  • Does she have medical instructions from her doctor that prevents her from doing certain body movements?
  • Did she have surgery or have areas on her body that is sensitive or painful to touch?

You stated she has arthritis pain. Find out when and where she has the most or least amount of pain.

  • Is the pain most prevalent in the evening after a long busy day?
  • Does she feel most relaxed and pain free after a hot bath or massage?
  • Does she have less pain if she takes a nap or rest first?

If she is on pain medication, monitor the timing of when the medication is most effective and plan ahead. It can take 20 – 45 minutes after taking the dose before it kicks in. Together, try to create and plan your day ahead of time that will result in the least amount of pain and discomfort for her before having sex.

Don’t worry about spontaneity, your wife will appreciate that you’re planning ahead and thinking about her well-being. A big turn on for most women, is when her partner does the errands or household chores. This gives her the time and rest to be re-charged and ready for you!

Check out the creative positions below to get you started on experimentation.

Illustrations by: Irene Yuan










Cool  products to check out, available on my website:

Liberator Heart Wedge


I would like to recommend that you purchase a wedge cushion. If doggy style is difficult and causes pain in her back, put a wedge underneath her hips to take off the strain. Wedges are also great for underneath her hips when laying on her back. Test with different sizes. has a wonderful assortment.


Sex Sling


Give your partner a helping hand to keep his/her body in place. Ideal for those with limited mobility and strength. Using balance and leverage, the sex sling can help ease you comfortably into new erotic discoveries! Adjustable straps with neck support. Available in black and cheetah.



Heart Warmer Massager




Experience the sensual and therapeutic benefits of  The  Heart Warmer Massager.   Use on sore or stiff muscles, arthritis pain, PMS cramps or warm each other’s body for an unforgettable hot erotic massage! Use with out or with any massage oil. The heart shaped heat pack is simple to activate, lasts for 30 mins, easy to use and feels amazing on your skin. Reusable!  Just heat in boiling water for 7 – 10 minutes and  let cool.



Please remember…to remove the performance anxiety quotient and allow the opportunity to dialogue and explore with your partner about what is pleasurable. Ultimately, the real sensual experience is the emotional connection and intimate bonding that you create with each other!

Marylou  🙂


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